The big spark doubts

The big spark doubts, but it knows. He knows. And she knows. Everyone knows, but the big spark doubts. The pieces of metal grind against one another. Little sparks. Big spark. And the big spark doubts. It doubts everything. Most importantly, most unfortunately, it doubts itself. It watches the little sparks flying through the air. The big spark watched the little sparks go out before they hit the ground. They are nothing. They are “almost”, “could-have-beens”, failures. But they are all they were created to be. They exist for contrast. How else would the big spark be big, if there were no little sparks.

Despite this, the big spark still doubts. It can sense the ground ever closer. It wants to make it. The big spark will not live much longer. It just wants to reach the ground, like the others cannot. The metal grinds again, and more little sparks trail behind the big spark. They burn and burn out. The big spark will burn out. The big spark doubts whether it will burn long enough. Who will measure once it has burned out? How will it be able to tell that it burned long enough if it does not know what comes after? It will not know, and so it doubts.

The big spark doubts whether it really matters. It wants to burn long. It does not even care to burn bright. It is big, so surely it does, but it does not care to burn bright. Burning bright, it might be caught in the corner of someone’s eye. Someone might happen to look upon it just as it burns brightest, but the chances are too slim. They are not big enough. If it burns long, someone may look upon it for a time measurable, at least. They may see its whole existence. The big spark sees the entire existences of the little sparks. It likes watching, even as it begins to burn out. It continues to fall.

The big spark has hope, for a moment. The moment passes, and the big spark doubts. A little spark flies past it, but burns out as soon as it is seen. The big spark finds this foolish, and begins to doze off. It can feel the ground coming closer. Its short existence sometimes feels long, but it knows it has existed for a time barely worth knowing. It cannot know time, but it knows this. It must know, so that it may doubt. And the big spark does doubt. It doubts itself.

The metal is grinding again. More sparks follow their paths through the empty air. While they burn, it is not empty, but they do not burn long enough to fill it. One little spark moves particularly fast. It should not, but it does. It has not existed long and it does not doubt. The big spark does not envy it, however, as it does not doubt because it does not know. It is empty, because it does not burn bright enough. It does not care. It’s creation has flung it past the big spark.

And as it hits the ground, ahead of the big spark, it quickly burns out. The big spark has existed. This little spark was barely burning before it burned out, but it acheived. It was a consequence of its origin. The big spark grows dull. The big spark can still see the ground, and it knows it was accurate. The big spark doubted, and the big spark was correct to doubt.

The big spark burns out in the empty air. The big spark does not doubt anymore.


About Civilian_Zero

I'm a writer and a gamer (mostly of the pen and paper variety). I love Horror and Science Fiction, but my obsession is Cyberpunk. Class Skills Include: Convince, Complete Video Game, DM, and Write.
This entry was posted in Apathetic, Bitter, Self-Loathing, Writing. Bookmark the permalink.

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